I’ll Be Quick (I Swear)

I’m Delighted With

The return of Hollywood movies to the cinema. According to the reports, things would go back to normal starting this week. Whether or not it would be the same all over the country and not just in capitals, we’ll have to see. Just in time, don’t you think?

I’m Obsessing Over

How tall Elle Fanning is. She’s 13 and already she towers over everyone, including all the men (and boy) who came with her to MTV Movie Awards. In order to make sure she really is that tall, I even saw an episode of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (whom I LOATHE) when she appeared as a guest. She sounded and acted her age, but my, she sure was tall. Without heels! Her sister, Dakota, is nowhere near her height.

See?

I’m Excited About

Go, Canucks, Go!

Stanley Cup finals! Every single one of my Vancouver friends continually talks about it on Facebook and Twitter (all those viewing parties! Trips to the stadium!). Although I can barely spot the puck, I am excited about my adopted city’s favorite sports franchise. They’ve almost done it several times before, but if they win this one, it’ll be their first. Fingers crossed! One game to go!

I Rediscovered

Singing in the Rain (1952). I’ve always known it’s a masterpiece but I didn’t discover how much until I watched it again on Saturday night. It’s entertainment at its best; it’s got laughs, a solid storyline, amazing dancing, and timeless songs. And the cast? Fan-freakin’-tastic! There’s the incomparable Gene Kelly, the always hilarious Donald O’Connor, an adorable Debbie Reynolds (mother of Princess Leia!), and even a dancing legend, Cyd Charisse.

I’m Outraged By

How this event plays out. After an elementary school student was told to share the answers of the national exam with the whole class (by the teachers, by the way), the mother reported the incident to the authorities. As a result, she was ostracized by her neighbors and forced to move out. Just because cheating is rampant and pretty much the standard in Indonesia, land of unrealistically high expectations but unbelievably massive inequality between the rich and the poor, it doesn’t mean that this mother should be punished for being honest.

Summer Blues

Right about this time of the year, Hollywood studios are flooding the cinemas with their latest hits. From giant robots to sleazy pirates, mutants in the 60s and all those superheros in tights…Whatever fantasy that those of the male persuasion prefer, it’s out there in your nearest megaplex. And if you’re not interested in any of those, there’s always trashy summer TV and the newly released trailer of the latest Twilight to tide you over.

What if none of those options are available?

Indonesians will not be able to watch most, if not all of those summer hits. I heard some richer people had already resorted to going to Singapore just to catch a film. What, pray tell, have we become? Yes, Singapore is only an hour and so many minutes away by plane and those people can probably afford to fly there every day of the week but this is a little extreme. I imagine it’s like the olden days when people in smaller towns would have to travel to big cities to be able to watch the new James Bond movie. In short, going to the cinema and watching new Hollywood films have become a luxury. How could this happen in the 21st century when we can have anything we want in an instant? As usual, instead of going forward, where the rest of the world is going, Indonesia has chosen to go the other way. Back to the stone age.

Another one I can't watch

And don’t even suggest downloading. If I liked watching movies on my computer, I wouldn’t be complaining about this issue at all.

Let’s move on to TV. Indonesian TV is trashy all year-long. It has crap reality shows, 24-hour infotainment, and soap operas that will put Dynasty to shame. How trashy can they be, really, you might ask. Answer: the football matches resemble a duel between two opposing primitive villages where referees might get mobbed by angry fans and players.

Cable? Ah, yes. I’ve seen all episodes of the good shows. And I have zero interest in the reality shows, except for the cooking ones. I still can’t believe how good Masterchef Australia is. Gordon Ramsay and his American version look like bullies in comparison, whereas the Indonesian version still has a lot to learn.

Book I Want to Read

So, I guess I will be spending my summer the traditional way: reading and writing. The reading part will require frequent trips to the bookstore (which in here are a bit late in terms of new releases) and updates to my tunes. The good news is there are lots of new albums coming out this June. The writing part? Well, one of my novels in progress might actually have to be dusted off before I can work up the interest to continue them. But we’ll get there, I’m sure.

Don’t even suggest “playing out in the sun” or anything physical. I hate heat, I suck at physical activities, and I’d rather keep my vampire complexion.

Promise I’ll be writing some reviews instead of depressing you next time. This won’t be the last time I complain about me not going to the cinema, though.

Really?!

There’s a movie called Network, released in 1976, that is still highly regarded today. It’s about the news division of a TV network that’s dealing with declining ratings by employing drastic measures, including exploiting the mad ramblings of its soon-to-be-fired senior news anchor and manufacturing a hostage situation. The plot is familiar now (in the era of sensationalistic and non-factual news) but back then it was considered groundbreaking. Of course, the film is most famous for the classic line “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more.”

That scene alone got the actor an Oscar and while it might not be entirely related to what I’m going to write about, guess what? I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more. Better than the “I’m-so-bored-I-want-to-kill-myself” version right? So, here is the following things that have made me angry recently.

1. The weather

I live in a tropical country. Yes, the global warming is rampantly screwing up the climate. Still, how can I not be angry when the latest change of weather makes it feel like it’s forty freaking degrees outside? And that’s Celsius! In case the Americans are confused, it is hotter than your hottest summer (except maybe in the desert). Meanwhile, the sun is doing its best to melt every living being out there. My head feels like it’s being pressed by a giant and I have to squint all the time. Indoors. In the interest of full disclosure, I do hate sunlight. I’m part vampire in that sense.

Okay, so maybe I have a condition that is somehow worsened by the high temperature and yeah, it is the time for transition from the rainy season to the dry one (or technically, from “hot and wet” to “even hotter and no rain”), but who has time to think about any of these logical reasons when every blood vessel in my brain is about to burst? I’m just mad.

Don’t believe in global warming? Stand outside my house for an hour. I dare you not to faint.

2. The Imported Movies Business

You know the deal already. Until the government, or whoever is in charge of the imported films, reaches an agreement with MPA (Motion Picture Association), Indonesians will have to make do without any new big-studio Hollywood films for the time being. Of course, being a country of pirates (both the software kind and the Jack Sparrow kind), it won’t make much of a difference. I, like many others, however, think of going to the cinema as a whole ritual of its own. Our goal is not to merely watch a movie. If it were, we’d just download them and be done with it. No. We want the whole experience of lining up for the tickets, buying popcorn, and complaining about all the other Neanderthals in the theater who keep kicking our seats, playing with their phones, and asking dumb questions throughout the entire movie. Okay, that last part was just me.

The point is, if this keeps up, there are lots of businesses that’s going to suffer. Ask any company that owns and/or operates a shopping mall. Cinemas contribute a significant portion of their revenues, not to mention the restaurants and other shops that benefit from people who have time to kill before their movie starts. Case in point: the mall near my house. It’s a new, tiny shopping center that consists of 5 restaurants, a hypermarket, and…guess what? A cinema. Yup. The mall was floundering prior to the opening of the cinema. Once the cinema opens, the visitors tripled. Then, this movie doomsday thing happened. See, I like having a cinema that’s walking distance from my house. To have this taken away from me before I get to enjoy it is just cruelty.

Yet another movie I can't watch

The thing that enrages me even more is the media coverage of the issue. It was pretty intense when the news first broke out, so much so that the government official considers the articles “an overreaction”. Ever since then, though, there has been no word on the subject. Until May 12th. My local newspaper, think of it as LA Times (respectable just not New York-based or the biggest in the country), published a headline boasting a “news-in-depth” section covering the subject on Page One. Guess what? The news-in-depth consists of half a page spread in page 3 and a third of it is a recap of the current situation. The rest of the coverage is opinions of local filmmakers. I wasn’t expecting an expose in the scale of the Pentagon Papers but really? Half a page is not deep coverage. It’s a lame attempt at revisiting the issue.

No wonder the film distributors, the cinema owners, and the government are not lifting a finger. The media, supposed to be our crusader, don’t care enough to put in a decent effort. If the print media can’t be relied on do justice on this minor issue, how on earth are they going to present the hard-hitting stuff? All Indonesian media’s good for is celebrity gossip and gory crime stories. Ashamed? No. Just angry.

For more anger on this issue, stay tuned for my next post.

3. The Traffic (or rather, People in Traffic)

I don’t drive here. Don’t have the guts to. Why? Well, I crashed once but let’s not get into that now. Let’s put it this way: all your nightmares about traffic? Yeah, they’re all happening here.

Yup, this is what I'm talking about

Roughly half (or maybe more) of the vehicles in traffic are motorcycles. Most of these are ridden by people who have no care for their own lives, let alone other people’s. They cut into your paths suddenly, they make illegal u-turns, they speed, they don’t have lights or they don’t turn them on, they talk to each other while riding, they don’t wear helmets, they’re underage, or they carry bulky items that block your sight, your path, or potentially endanger your cars. Oh, and like that asshat driver you so often see, these motorcycle riders text. Oh, and when it rains, these motorcycle riders will stop under a bridge or anything that provides cover, blocking any other traffic that wants to pass through these places.

The car drivers are no better. The most chronic problem is their usage of mobile phones. Sorry, their use of BlackBerry. This “phone” has become a plague in Indonesia, infecting everyone’s mind and taking up their entire free time. So, if you see a car going too slow, chances are the driver is on their god-awful BB. What also irks me is the impatient devils who honk like mad and then proceed to change lanes like they have wives giving birth or they have some life-or-death business. Then, there are the eyesores: the morons who customize their perfectly good cars and proceed to make things even worse. Let’s begin with the headlights. It is now a trend for cars to replace their headlights with brighter, white ones. The kind that hurts your eyes, no matter which mirror you see them from. The kind that is illegal in Europe and US. What other minor adjustments annoy me? Those idiots who lower their cars. Yeah, buddy, I don’t care if it makes your car look cooler or go faster in those illegal street races you regularly participate in with your dumb friends. You live in a city with thousands of speed bumps. High and irregularly shaped speed bumps that come in groups of three or more. So, when you spend 3 minutes on each speed bump trying not to hit it with the bottom of your ridiculously low car, you annoy everyone else behind you.One more thing car drivers do that are just plain inconsiderate: parking outside the lines. You know what happens you park at an angle or between the wrong lines? Surprise, surprise, no other car can fit into what should’ve been a perfectly good spot to park their car next to yours. What made you so damn lazy that you can’t be bothered to take an extra sixty seconds to align your vehicle to the lines?

I understand that you may have got your license without any kind of tests (and earlier than you were supposed to). I get that you bribe your way out of every ticket you should’ve got from the cops but try to pay attention to everyone else on the road. Dimwits. Do you know how often I’ve had to curse because of your reckless behavior? I want to be polite and demure but you are making it really hard for me.

4. The Dance Music Trend

I can’t quite remember who started it (in my mind, I blame Usher) but really, it has got to stop. The monotonous beat of this type of music has made every song sound alike, and dumbed down what would’ve been perfectly fine and catchy lyrics. It’s ruined the Black Eyed Peas’ latest album (whom I used to adore), made me swear off Usher, put me off Ne-Yo (I loved that guy once!), and led me to question Rihanna’s mental capacity (“What’s My Name?”, “Who’s That Chick”? Amnesiac or searching for identity). To top it off, even Lady Gaga has become somewhat of a let-down. Perhaps the record will grow on me.

The worst thing to come out this trend, though, is the trashy blonde better known as Ke-dollar sign-ha (there’s no way I’m typing THAT name). What part of her image/vocals/songs scream “I am an artist you should respect”? None.

The exception to the trend

Anyone can get away singing a dance song. You don’t have to sound very good, you don’t need brilliant lyrics. As long as your video looks fun and the beats are catchy, you can make millions. Forgive me for not wanting to be a part of this trend. Eww.

Dark Days Are Upon Us

Yes, you guessed right. I’ve crawled into that black-as-night cave inside my mind, where nothing positive and wholesome lingers. It feels like all the energy and excitement have been sapped out of my life. At first, it was the endless bout of cold, which still hasn’t released its grip on me.Once I went off the medicine, though, not much has changed. The worst part: I feel sleepy at 10 p.m. Ten? That is unacceptable! That is the appropriate sleeping hour for respectable people with serious, nine-to-five jobs, not someone like me.

Once I fall asleep, though, things do not get better. My dreams are more vivid than ever and keeping me occupied even after I wake up. I’ve become obsessed with interpreting them. The other day, for some reason, I was fixated with the number ’7′ in my dream. I can’t remember why now, but I found myself wondering about the number all day long. Today, it was all about a piece of lost luggage. Yes, I had a dream where I was traveling by train and  lost a suitcase. Apparently, according to this website, it represents “lost identity”. Guess what? For once, this new-age mumbo-jumbo makes sense. I do feel kinda lost.

Normally, I resort to the various forms of entertainment at my disposal to distract myself from sinking further into the abyss of depression. Guess what? None of them worked. The all-mighty cable TV have failed me. The biggest thing they’ve got on now, is, surprise, surprise, American Idol. Don’t they get that I stopped caring about the show…six seasons ago? And all those reality shows. Ugh. How many more versions of trashy dumb girls and their even dumber men does the public need to see, anyway? As for the other shows…Well, Glee had a shining moment with their “Born This Way” episode last week but they’ve somehow screwed up the return of Kristin Chenoweth in this week’s episode and diminished her role. You should be ashamed, Ryan Murphy. That boozy blonde is my favorite guest star. I was temporarily lifted with the premiere of Mad Men Season 4, but within two episodes, I realized something. That show has a lot of good things going for it, but uplifting and positive? No, Sir, it is truly not.

So, since the small screen has failed me, the logical option would be to turn to the bigger screen. Oops. No longer a viable option, remember? Since my good-for-nothing government decided to increase taxes on imported movies, the cinemas have been loaded with substandard films or reruns of the old and forgotten bombs that were somehow passed over when they were first released…two years ago. Or, perhaps, I could show support for the local film industry by checking out a nationally produced motion picture. Let’s see…what are my choices? Crap horror, crap horror featuring American porn star, crap horror, unfunny romcom, and the third part of a so-so trilogy about teenage girls’ virginity. Pass.

Cute cover...

Well, what about the written word? Surely, if there’s any form of art capable of curing the ennui, it could be found in reading. Not so. Apart from my brilliant re-reading of Beginner’s Greek, I haven’t found any good books lately. I’m reading Candace Bushnell’s young-adult attempt of Carrie Bradshaw’s life, The Carrie Diaries, and I am so underwhelmed. Maybe it’s just my mood, maybe it’s my general lack of interest in young adult stories that don’t have explosions or adventures in them. The other thing I’m reading is a spy novel, which is brilliant and factual, but paced so slowly that I can’t get attached to it. Without my Vanity Fair (Katy Perry’s on the cover!), there’s nothing else to tide me over other than a Scrooge McDuck comic book. And you thought I was pathetic, right? Proved you wrong, didn’t I?

In conclusion, the only refuge there is to be found is in real life. Namely, things that are real and people who are not characters dreamed up by workaholic writers cooped up in a dark den somewhere. Food usually helps, in the form of chocolate and/or salty chips. Salty chips are still not an option due to my cold, and chocolate hasn’t been successful thus far, not even the dark 70% kind. Ice-cream and fro-yo are also out of the question in this matter. And it’s not that I have no appetite; I do get hungry a lot. I just don’t have a craving of any kind. Frustrating.

People? Well, they are the ones that have failed me most. They’ve frustrated me, bored me to no end, irked me in so many ways, and driven me to the edge. It’s not entirely their fault, perhaps, but in this mood, I am loath to think that it’s my fault. Sometimes I wonder if more company would make me feel better (in the sense that someone cares about me) or worse (as in ‘I wish they’d leave me alone’). I didn’t choose to be this depressed. I don’t want to stay gloomy this long. I don’t know what will help, though.

Sigh...

I’ve heard that hugs can help. Then again, I can’t promise I won’t snap at you if you attempt to give me one.

Death to Entertainment

The Indonesian government has decided to end life as we know it. For the longest time, I’ve consoled myself by thinking that no matter how bad things get, there’s always the cinema to run to. James Bond is always ready to amuse and thrill you with his devil-may-care antics, Disney (with Pixar’s help) will continue to feed the child in all of us, dramas content to stir our passions, and Judd Apatow ready to either make you laugh or shock you with his less-than-PG comedies. Well, no more. At least not if the Motion Picture Association (MPA) makes good on its threat to boycott Indonesian cinemas.

This severely damaging news began to circulate Friday night, during a press conference after a preview of “Black Swan”. MPA, apparently, is far from happy with the government’s policy to levy tax on imported films, as much as 43 cents per meter of film. MPA declares that this kind of tariff is unprecedented and Indonesian government responds by stating that they’re only following the WTO regulations. Prior to this policy, according to this article, there are three different tariffs levied on each film coming in, in addition to the 15% going to the central government, and another 10-15% to the local district. What, exactly does the government want to do with the extra income? Buy a Rolls-Royce instead of a Mercedes they already own? A vacation to Europe instead of Hong Kong and Singapore? A house in the moon to go with the other three each official already owns in three different countries? What?

Burn! Raze! Kill!

Film distribution in Indonesia is in a sad state as it is. As I’ve mentioned before, the process is so excruciatingly slow that the original DVD is released before the film even hits the theatres. And I live in the SECOND BIGGEST city in the country. Variety has always been lacking, due to the poorly defined taste of the movie-going mass and the archaic censor board. Cinemas, despite being situated inside a swanky mall and newly renovated, suffer from regular problems of loss of picture and audio, as well as choppy transitions and horrible subtitles. Despite all this disappointment, I still go. Once a month, perhaps, if the film is right. I have been going far less often, though. Well, keep this up and I will NEVER go to a cinema again. I wonder how many millions others will follow in my footsteps.

Oddly, this logo appears in every pirated DVD I buy

Amidst this mess, the market of pirated films is alive and thriving. Access to pirated DVDs of all kinds is virtually unlimited and they are available at a ridiculously low cost, averaging at about a third the price of a cinema ticket, sometimes even less.  Ironically, the government has often declared that piracy is a serious crime. With this new policy installed, they’ll only be creating a larger market for pirated DVDs.  Even me, the snob, depends on pirated DVDs to sustain my hunger for sophisticated entertainment. I even-GASP!-download videos from the internet. What other choice do I have? What alternative will anyone have if MPA makes good on their threat?

I once made a promise never to see an Indonesian film in the cinema. If it wins an Oscar, then maybe I’ll consider it but other than that, no way. Why? Well, the majority of local movies consist of two categories: horror films or cheesy dramas. Comedies are featured quite often, too, but always laced with a sexual element that makes the films neither funny or sexy. Horror films are even worse. Seeing the titles alone is enough to make me hurl my lunch. Cheesy dramas more often than not have a very strong religious theme to it, which as you recall, is not my cup of tea. If Indonesian films are all that lie in my future visits to cinema, pass.

Alas, the Swan Shan't Ever Dance to the Silver Screen

It is still unclear if this tax policy will go through, or if it will affect films imported from countries other than the U.S. but the news has had the internet buzzing all over the country. Cinema owners everywhere are preparing for a tough time. To make it worse, movies that are supposed to be released may not even get to see the inside of an Indonesian cinema. Not even Black Swan, which I have been dying to see for months.

So, my fellow movie fans, if you find the future as bleak as I do, let’s think of what can be done to prevent it from happening. I may disapprove of your generally poor attitude in cinemas (answering  a phone call, talking loudly, giggling, asking stupid questions, and lateness) but I sure as hell would rather endure any one of your crappy etiquette than be seeing nothing but Indonesian film posters displayed in the cinema pages on newspapers.

And to the government, here’s a thought: you’d rather make money than introduce culture to your people. That, my dishonorable elected officials, is why this country is down in the dumps and will forever stay that way.

UPDATED: This morning, the Minister of Culture & Tourism (odd combination, right?) stated that they would review any proposed tax increase on imported films. An announcement on the subject would be made on March 29th. He also mentioned some other baloney about how the intention was to improve the quality of national films and encourage its growth as an industry. Somewhere in his statement was also a guarantee that cinemas would continue to air imported film. Surprisingly, the Minister expressed his wonder at the public outrage, seeing as nothing was final yet. Is this just another case of the Government backpedaling and chickening out on their decision (which happens a lot, by the way)? Or simple lack of communication between the Tax Office, Customs Office and other government institutions (which happens even more often)?